This is Where I Dramatically Walk Away (JK, That’s Not How It Works)
Healing from disordered eating and body image isn’t a quick process. Here are a few practices I use daily, years after starting this journey.
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Healing from disordered eating and body image isn’t a quick process. You don’t just say “Fuck diet culture, this shit is insane, I’m done.”
Sadly, many of us who reach the point of needing to intentionally heal from the BS are deeply intertwined with the idea that our worthiness, goodness, and enoughness are wrapped up in our bodies and food choices. These beliefs weaved themselves into our psyches over the course of many years (decades!)—it takes time and focus and commitment to unlearn and relearn.
In today’s post, I want to share a few practices I’ve been using over and over and over in the last three years to support healing long-term. I’ve learned so much in this time, but there are a few key principles that have become a part of my everyday life that keep me focused on where I want to go, not where I’ve been.
Telling Myself, “I’m so proud of you.”
Give yourself props for doing this healing work! In a world obsessed with thin, this work is rarely easy—and if you’re committing yourself to unlearning diet culture and finding a new way, you should be proud! That’s why I say this to myself daily (in my head), especially if I’m struggling.
I said this to myself just last night, after I could feel myself slipping into some old beliefs about the size of my body. Instead of criticizing myself for those beliefs, I said:
“I’m so proud of you for the work you’ve been doing. How well you feed your body on vacation, even before going to the beach, which is a time you would normally restrict. And I’m proud of how patient you’ve been with yourself and how you’ve stuck with it, even when it felt easier to slip back into old habits.”
All of this is in my head, but it’s amazing how easily it comes when you make it a regular practice. More importantly, it feels really good, even if it feels awkward at first.
Naming How Hard the Moment Is
It’s easy to get frustrated or critical of yourself. My go-to was to brush the hard moment off. Get over it. It’s okay. You’re fine. But that was so invalidating. This shit is hard…
Standing in front of the mirror, almost in tears because you don’t feel good in an outfit.
Sitting on the closet floor surrounded by clothes that don’t fit right.
Noticing something fits differently than it did a week, month, or year ago.
This is hard stuff because all these moments are about so much more than your body or the clothes or the food. They’re signs that we’ve been taught say one thing loud and clear: My body is not good enough/too big/not thin, and therefore I am not lovable or worthy.
Damn, that’s a hard feeling to be with. Good news is, it’s not true. So instead of pushing that understandably difficult moment aside and bullying yourself into moving on, I was taught to name how hard it is.
It’s really hard to feel like my body isn’t good enough.
It’s so frustrating that the outfit I had in my head doesn’t feel good on my body.
It hurts me to think that I’m not good enough.
This in and of itself, is a game-changer. When you start doing it, you’ll realize how often you just pushed those big feelings aside. But when we let them be present, and we speak really kindly to ourselves as we sit in the moment, magic happens.
Continually Curating My Feed
This may sound obvious, but have you actually done it? Like really? I ask because it’s one of those obvious things that’s also easy to not do—and it’s also not a one-and-done kind of thing.
After an initial cleanout of your feed(s), you need to be willing to unfollow regularly. If you haven’t done it yet, here are some light guidelines to help:
Unfollow anyone who makes you feel less than, pushes you into body comparison, or is promoting diet culture values/products/beliefs. Plus, just anyone who you don’t want to hear from or see because, well, duh!
With all those people unfollowed, it’s time to start filling your feed with diverse voices, bodies, people, and organizations. I had a hard time finding these people at first, so now we keep a running tab of our favorites in an Instagram highlight. Check out our People We 💜highlight! As you follow and engage with accounts like this, you’ll get recommendations in your feed for similar pages and also naturally find more.
Continually unfollow people and accounts. I’ve had to unfollow people whom I’d followed and really liked for years because they were talking about things or representing themselves in ways that didn’t feel aligned for me. And guess what, I don’t actually miss their content.
Healing Doesn’t Happen in a Day
You know this, but in case you need the reminder: healing takes time. It took you years (decades?!) to get where you are today. It will take time to unlearn, heal, and create a new set of beliefs that govern your relationship with food and your body.
I hope these ideas and insights can be supportive additions to your toolbox and further support the amazing work you’re doing. Keep going! It’s not always easy, but I can promise it’s always worth it!
Keep Unlearning
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In this episode, Jessica and Abbie talk about why you may not think you have food rules (but you probably do, sorry to say it!) while sharing their personal experiences with food rules and this rigid approach to eating. They get into the importance of self-compassion and the need for 1:1 or community support in healing. Plus, Abbie shares a bunch of practical steps to unlearn those harmful food rules and shift into a more intuitive and compassionate relationship with food.
Wait, Do I Actually Care About Being Thinner?
In this episode, Jessica and Lisa explore personal experiences with disordered eating, the importance of awareness in movement, and how to let go of the need to control body size by understanding the deeper emotional connections tied to body image. They talk a lot about trust, surrender, and doing that deeper work!
Fitness Culture and Perfection
In this episode, Jessica and Kelsey discuss the pervasive myths surrounding fitness culture, particularly the unrealistic expectations of perfection. They explore the importance of self-acceptance, flexibility in fitness goals, and the joy of movement. Kelsey shares her personal journey from a competitive athlete to a fitness coach who emphasizes intuitive eating and joyful movement (yes, please!).
Nope, Let's Rewire That: Fear Foods
In this mini-episode, Jessica and Kayla Jessop discuss the concept of fear foods and how this can impact so many aspects of your life—in ways you may not even realize. Kayla introduces a method to categorize foods based on the anxiety they evoke and then explores the importance of challenging fear foods, understanding the motivations behind it, and the benefits of mindful exposure to these foods. The burden of food-related anxiety is real—tune in to start letting it go.