I’m Struggling, Let’s Talk

The world needs our voices, even when we're doubting our place in the conversation.

Have you been in one of those seasons of life where you just can’t seem to catch a break? I’m in it. Or well, coming out of it, I think?

It’s been a rough few weeks health-wise for me. I had two back-to-back weeks with a migraine for 1-2 days of each of those weeks. The third week? Got a head cold that ran rampant through my family—that my husband is still working through.

Now, I’m better physically, but mentally, I’m shot. And not just from being sick and dealing with migraines, oh and healing from an acute mold issue in our house for the last 8+ months. Oh, and publishing my first book of poetry.

While that fatigue is real, and I feel it every day, those aren’t the things I’m struggling with.

I’m having a lot of feelings about my work here for Nope. That’s what I want to share about today.

I want to let you into my brain for a bit because I know I’m not the only one. And because I’m human, and because sharing this with you reminds me of that.

I’m keeping this post free because I believe sharing the hard stuff I’m going through can be helpful for other people feeling the same. But, if you love the work I do here, join for just $5/month or $50/year to get this and all the other paid content on the Nope Substack!

Who Do I Think I Am?

Let me start by saying I know I’m doing important work and that it’s positively impacting others. I fully believe that. And yet, lately, there’s a part of me that’s heavily doubting my role as someone guiding and supporting others toward body peace. I’m doubting my place in the food and body healing conversation.

I think the main reason for this is a message we received through Nope Instagram DMs about my body not being a good example of “body neutrality.”

There were some truths in this message, and also, there’s a lot you don’t see in a single video. I talked about this in the May BDG.

What that message did was plant a seed of doubt in me.

• I am in a thin body.

• I am white.

• I am deeply privileged.

In our world today, is my point of view really what we need?

And this is where I’ve been stuck.

• I’ve started and stopped three different articles in the last three weeks.

• I haven’t posted a new podcast episode.

• I haven’t been posting as much on the Nope Instagram.

Coming Back to the Truth

In the midst of that self-doubt, there are also many truths I’m trying to come back to. I’m using these truths to realign and recenter on my work in this world and remind me why what I’m doing is important, and my voice is helpful here.

• I’m aware of who I am (a thin, white woman), which is why I seek to invite a wide range of diverse voices onto the podcast. I’ve always felt my story is only one version of what others are feeling, and I want everyone to be seen and heard here.

• If you follow us on Instagram, you’ll find that we highlight content from a wide range of creators every single day in our stories. That is an active choice I make every single day for the same reason as my podcast guest choices.

• A lot of people are struggling in the same ways I am. I have been in disordered eating recovery for many years now. My body image struggles are spiking as we speak (another Substack post to come in the next few weeks). I know I’m not alone in feeling this, whether I’m in a privileged body or not.

• Everything feels f*cked up right now (in the world, in diet culture, in our society), and I know that part of my job on this planet, at least right now, is to support folks through that with my work. Not everyone has the skills or desire to do this work. I do. So I must.

• When it feels hard is usually when it’s needed the most. I am continually reminding myself that I don’t need to feel “inspired” to do this work. I can take time away. I can protect my mental health. But I also feel compelled to keep showing up in whatever way I can.

If you’re feeling any of this right now, please know I see you, and I feel you. I hope you give yourself the space you need, but that you come back to the work. The world needs your voice, even when you’re doubting its place in the conversation.